Script Draft One Plus Evaluative Notes

Script Draft 1

Evaluation: Firstly, although it is from the point of view of the man there is not a clear character arc, ith an A point and a B point-the man does not experience much of a journey. An effective sense of tone is prevented by the amount of dialogue present within the script. I need to, therefore, make more happen more visually. For example, I can show that they are married, and that this is their anniversary, or that he is her father. The build up is not a clear as it could be, as I do not feel that they obstruction of their evening really escalates. To amend this I could start the interruption from something that the daughter does which has a smaller value to it. I believe that the woman needs a quieter entrance, helping convey her character as more delicate. The whirring of the microwave could happen later, maybe after the daughter’s first interruption, to get a better effect of tension. The story is too predictable, however i could fix this by writing a more shocking ending. In my writing I need to watch my apostrophise, however there is an effective and interesting use of verbs. There is good description of costume, as you get a clear sense of character. The establishing shot at the beginning is effective as it sets a good tone. However, it should be ‘side of a suburban road’. Mise-en-scene is used well: candles, champagne (maybe a champagne bucket with ice?). It can be seen that the daughter is not just ruining their evening, but we also see his ineffectuality in dealing with the situation. One clear meaning is present, but could be seen better through a clearer mode of interpretation. Lastly, i have conceived of something which, from the point of view of my resources, is a very strong and successful idea.